Contributed by Rose McMayhem–
Today, in what I would hesitate to call my brightest moment, I chose to ride my bicycle to work. Not just to the transit center, which is a mile away, but all the way to work, which is approximately 16 miles. Please keep in mind that the last time I attempted to get somewhere on a bicycle was 3 years ago and the ride was met with great misfortune, so not only am I woefully out of shape for such a trek, but I’m also a clumsy bike rider.
Today’s grand idea was inspired, in part, because I’m a fool who throws herself into things headfirst and then burns out quickly. Today was a great day to venture into the great two-wheeled unknown, though, since I normally do mentoring on Wednesdays, and so am not expected into work until 11- but school’s out now, so that’s an extra hour I can use on the road. I packed up my water bottle and Leatherman and headed out for a leisurely ride to work.
The following are excerpts from my mental journal along the ride.
10:01 am: This is nice. Good day for riding.
10:05 am: Why am I breathing so hard already?
10:12 am: Jeez, it’s taking forever just to get to the Lake Washington Trail.
10:15 am: So many damn hills. Who knew Seattle had so many hills? It’s like the damn San Francisco of the West.
10:17 am: Bottom hurts.
10:25 am: “Shift liberally,” the biking commuter’s guide said. “The gears are there for you to use.” Yeah, well, none of them are making this any easier. 18 gears and I hate them all.
10:28 am: The guide also said that half an hour each way burns roughly 500 calories, which amounts to losing 10 pounds over the next two months. At this rate, I’ll be lucky if I have 2% body fat by the end of the day.
10:35 am: What if I don’t make it? What if I end up like that pile of trash I just passed, decaying alongside the trail?
10:49 am: I see freeway- must be getting closer to Factoria. Wait, exit NINE? How the hell is it possible that I’m still in Renton? How did this city become so huge overnight?
10:53 am: I just saw Jesus. He appeared before me, reminded me to take my daily multivitamin, then turned into Whoopi Goldberg and vanished into thin air.
10:59 am: Hands hurt. Not sure where I am. Wish I’d brought signal flares.
11:12 am: Someone on a ten-speed just whizzed by me going uphill. F-you, ten-speed lady.
11:18 am: Pretty sure that dead bird alongside the trail just looked up at me and winked.
11:25 am: Creeping slowly up hills one foot at a time. Trying not to look farther ahead than 5 feet, lest my spirit be crushed more than it has been already by the sight of a never-ending incline.
11:33 am: Sign said the bike trail was this way, but now I’m parallel to 90 and heading East. I think I’m off course. Although I didn’t have much of a course to begin with.
11:34 am: Just passed a dude standing on the trail about two feet away from a retaining wall and staring at the wall. I know I didn’t imagine that.
11:36: Turned around. Headed in the right direction again, I think. Maybe I should call the Mister and have him come pick me up. NO! I will not accept defeat!
11:39 am: Bottom and hands hurt. And head. WHENCE ENDS MY JOURNEY?
11:42 am: Civilization ahoy! Oh Bellevue, my Eastside queen! Never before have I been so relieved to set eyes on you!
11:51 am: Dude just sped past with all his sinewy legs, lookin’ like it ain’t no thang to conquer these hills. I hate him.
11:58 am: Loaded the bike onto Route 565 at the Bellevue Transit Center and bussed it the rest of the way up to campus. Like hell I’m gonna ride the other, steeper half of the way there. Clipped a woman’s heel as we were getting on the bus and quickly apologized. She glared like I had no right to speak to her, let alone accidentally touch her. LADY, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’VE JUST BEEN THROUGH. DO NOT TEST ME.
12:34 pm: Arrived at work…a little later than I’d planned, and only marginally defeated. The trip home will be radically different, I guarantee you that.
This is hilarious!!!!! I laughed all the way through, this would be ME trying to ride to work. And mine would be much shorter. And, I would be extremely lucky if I didn’t show up hurt. A miracle.
I like the looks of those Segway things though……..
17 Mi
When gas hit $4 I started riding from my house (by the Safeway on Union and 4th in the Highlands) to Seattle University on first hill. It is exactly 17 miles door to door. It took about 1 hr and 45 min. I only really did one way as I would ride the bus in the morning. I only went to school 4 days a week and would drive when I had to stay late or had to dress nice so it’s not like I did it every day.
The first couple of times I felt like I had been violated. But (no pun intended) I got over that. It is somewhat unnerving riding along I90 in the evening with cars going 60 MPH in the opposite direction.
It is my hope to ride to work now that I have graduated (BABA in accounting) but I have to find a place to shower and keep work clothes. Hopefully I can lose the 20 lbs I but on when I got out of the Marines!!
Mark Martinez
Very Funny!
Nice job Rose!! Thanks for sharing!